As we grow, we look to the people around us as models for relationship building – the only problem is, for a long time, we might not know that those aren’t the best ones. So when the time comes for us to build some of the most important relationships in our lives – we don’t always get it right.
But, the older we get, the better we want to do, and then we need to unlearn and then relearn a lot of things.
So, what steps can you take to make sure that your relationships are healthy going forward?
Work
It takes work, and that is something that many people underestimate about great relationships. There is a lot of work that goes into things that look so easy. While you might be surrounded by a range of amazing people, you need to build each relationship.
You learn about people’s needs, and they can learn about yours – accommodating and understanding boundaries.
Boundaries
When we think about the word boundaries, we often think about walls and fences that people can’t cross. But boundaries are not just about keeping people out or telling people what you don’t like. It is also setting a standard for what you need and what you appreciate. It should be in a healthy relationship that those things are reciprocated.
Only you get to decide if your boundaries are crossed and how you feel about it. But it can be important to remember that you need to give and take.
Intimacy
Intimacy isn’t just about sex; it can also be about letting your guard down and being vulnerable to someone. Vulnerability can feel scary and exposing. But many people can build an intimate relationship by remembering a few things. Communication is key, compromise is healthy and commitment matters.
Healthy intimacy never feels forced or uncomfortable, but it might take time and therapy. It can be important to look for a therapist who covers this in detail. Try looking for a “sex therapist near me” in the search bar.
Listening
You have one mouth and two ears, which means you should try to listen double. Talking things through is important, but you need to remember that active listening is one of the most powerful skills in healthy relationship building.
Listen, consider and then respond. Putting a space between the listening and the response prevents us from saying things that we might not mean in the heat of the moment.
Expressing your emotions is important, and that is part of the vulnerability that makes for great relationships.
Reflection
Over time, you will be able to reflect on your reactions and how other people deal with their emotions. Reflecting can make a huge difference to new situations as you move forward and communicate in a more positive way.
Aside from communication, learning when to take and give people their space is essential. Often, space is considered a bad thing, but really it can help massively with listening and communication: Finding Space in Your Relationship: How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship Using Space.